melodiya ng tagumpay

PNS March, "Melodiya ng Tagumpay".

Ito yung pamagat ng artikulo sa Ang Palawenian. Nakita ko ito sa mga lumang gamit namin habang nagliligpit ako sa bahay. At nung nabasa ko ulit 'to, napakanta pa ako. Ikaw, kaya mo pang kantahin? :)

Sa tagal at haba man ng panahon

Patuloy kang nananatiling matatag

Saksi ang bunga ng iyong paghihirap

Tagumpay at karangala'y nakamit

Tanggapin mo ang aming pagpupugay

Papuri at pasasalamat sa iyo

Mula sa aming mga puso at isipan

Na hinubog mo't ginawang matibay

Buong lakas na isisigaw

Kadakilaan mo at pagmamahal

Dunong at galing na ibinigay

Handog sa Diyos, kalikasan at bayan

Taas noo nating ipagmalaki

Walang humpay na ipagbunyi

Makulay na mga taong lumipas

Pinanday mo sa tiyaga at pagsisikap

P-N-S...

naalimpungatan lang

Sa isang pagkakataong lumilipad ang isip ko sa kawalan...

Tila sumasabay ang aking diwa sa mga ibon na sumasayaw sa saliw ng ihip ng hangin sa alangaang ng langit. Sa mga panahong banayad ang lahat at tahimik ang paligid ay hindi ko maiwasan ang mga alaalang hindi ko man nais masalimuha ay parang kusa na lang pumapasok sa aking isipan.

Mabagal ang hakbang ng aking mga paa habang naglalakad noon sa pasilyo ng aming silid-aklatan. Pakiramdam ko ay naglalakbay ako’t nakasakay sa ulap. Sa pagbukas ko ng nilumang pintuang kahoy ay sumalubong ang hindi magkamayaw na ingay ng mga estudyanteng hindi alintanang sila’y nasa silid-aklatan. Ngunit sa isipan ko noo’y walang ibang ingay kundi ang dalawang salitang binitiwan ng isang taong nagpatibok sa isang pihikang puso. Nanlalamig ang mga kamay ko noon, hindi sa kaba, kundi sa nararamdamang hindi maarok ng aking pagkatao. Nanginiginig ang dalawa kong tuhod habang binabagtas ang daan patungo sa lugar na kinahihimpilan ng aking mga kaibigan. Malayo pa man ako sa kanila’y wari kong matatanaw na ang guhit ng matamis na ngiti sa aking mukha at malabutuing kislap ng aking mga mata. Kung alam lang nila ang nangyari...

Magtatatlong taon na rin pala simula noon, o hindi kaya sobra pa? Hindi ko na alam. Hindi na ako nagbibilang. Marami na rin ang mga naganap kaya hindi ko na maalala ang bawat detalye ng masalimuot na kwento naming dalawa. Marahil dahil pilit ko itong inaalis sa aking isipan. May mga bagay talaga na dapat patulugin. Ngunit sa mga panahong lumilipad ang isip ko sa kawalan ay napapadpad ito sa mga senaryo ng nakalipas. Ang spin-the-bottle na nagmitsa ng lahat...na nasundan ng napakaraming sulat sa mga puting papel na pang-hayskul, at ang mga iyon ay abo na ngayon. Mayroon pang mga rosas na binigay niya noong prom. Tuyo na rin iyon ngayon at hindi ko na alam kung nasaan. Madalas kailangan ring alisin ang mga magpapagising sa mga bagay na dapat sana’y natutulog pa. Ngunit nariyan pa ang puting teddy bear at ang dalawang kwintas. Pinaampon ko muna siya sa isang kaibigan dahil hindi ko kaya na pareho ang kahantungan niya sa mga sulat sa puting papel. Sa tuwing titingin din ako sa buwan sa kadiliman ng gabi, nagugunita ko ang mga panahon na nagkikwentuhan kami sa tabi ng dagat sa ilalim ng dumudungaw ng liwanag ng buwan. Tinatanaw niya ang buwan at sasabihing napakaganda nito, pero ang daliri niya ay nakaturo sa akin.

Madalas naiisip ko na sana hindi niya na lang sinabi ang dalawang salitang iyon. Para tuloy akong isang batang natutulog sa gabi ng biglang naalimpungatan sanhi ng mga alitiit sa paligid. Pero napansin kong minsan ay masarap palang isipin na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo ay may isang nakakita ng iyong kagandahan na hindi mo wari. Ngunit madalas ko ring naiisip kung ang dalawang salita ba na yun ay kaya niyang tumbasan ng “habambuhay”. Madalas tinatanong ko rin kung matutumbasan ko rin ang lahat ng ito. Ngunit ngayon, naintindihan ko na. Ito marahil ang nais ng Diyos na ituro sa akin hanggang sa maging handa na ako sa tamang panahon at sa tamang tao. Kaya sa dalawang salita niya noon ay sumusukli ako ngayon ng tatlong salita. “Maghintay ka sana.”

(at naghintay nga siya. :D )

(reblogged from FB notes Oct.31, 2009)

Up or Down

Naranasan mo na bang sa gitna ng masaya ninyong pagkikwentuhan ng iyong kaibigan tungkol sa napakahaba at nakaririnding pila sa enrollment, o kaya sa madugong exam na binigay ni Sir noong nakalipas na isa o sampung buwan, o sa lalaki na boyfriend ni ganito na nilandi ni ganyan na kababayan ng bumagsak sa Math 17 kay Sir ano at nag-transfer sa kung saan, o sa gumagala raw na white lady sa dorm, o sa darating na eleksyong pinagpipipyestahan na naman ng commercials sa TV, o kung kelan ka pa kaya huling nagbunot ng kilay, o kaya kung ilan na ang units na naenroll sa’yo na kahit anong sikap mo yatang pumila eh wala pa ring nangyayari...nang biglang huminto ang bunganga ng kaibigan mo sa kadadada at tila may nakitang kung anong mahiwaga sa iyong mukha. Dahan-dahan niyang kinuha ang kung anong mahiwaga sa iyong mukhang nakalagi sa iyong pisngi...isang pilikmata.

“Mag-wish ka.”

“Up or down?”

“Down. Hindi matutupad ang wish mo.”

Pambihira! Paano kung nag-wish ako na magkatuluyan kami ni toot-toot, e di hindi na magkakatotoo yun!

Yun na nga eh. Hindi talaga magkakatotoo ang isang pangarap kung magwi-wish ka lang. Kahit ubusin mo pa ang pilikmata mo.

Marami sa atin ang nagwi-wish na sana pumasa sa Accounting o ano pang mga subject, o kaya maging maging DL pa rin o maging DL naman sana, o kaya maging CPA balang araw o iba pang propesyon, o kaya magkaroon ng magarang kotse, malamansyong bahay, gwapong asawa, maraming pagkain, at higit sa lahat, maayos na buhay. Hindi naman talaga masamang mangarap, pero kung hanggang pangarap ka lang, hindi rin ito makabubuti, lalo na kung kinabukasan mo na ang nakasalalalay. Sabi pa nga ni Will Smith, oo ni Will Smith at nabasa ko pa ito sa Quotable Quotes ng Reader’s Digest, “There’s never a thing that you are successful at of which you did not work for everyday.” Oh diba, bongga. Pati nga mga commercials sa TV ng mga pasikat na artista at pasikat ng mga personalidad ay walang patid sa pagkumbinsi sa’yong kumilos. Ikaw ang simula. Ikaw mismo. Sama-sama sa hirap, hindi ka nila iiwan, abilidad at talino, pagbabago...para maiba naman.

Kaya imbes na tumingin ka sa horoscope mo, o magpuyat sa gabi para makakita ng bulalakaw sa langit, o magsayang ng sampung pisong barya para itapon lang sa wishing well, bakit kaya hindi mo subukang pagkatapos mong mag-Farmville at mag-comment dito sa sinulat ko na note sa Facebook eh mag-advance read ka na, magtipid o mag-ipon ng pera sa kinabukasan, o gawin na ang mabubuting mga ideyang naisip mo nung Pasko nung nakaraang taon na hanggang ngayon ay hindi mo pa naumpisahan...o basta, alam mo na rin ang nararapat na gawin. Hindi mo lang ginagawa.

The Boat Story

This was a story I heard one Sunday at LifeChurch. Paraphrased.



There was once a boy who made a toy boat. With his little hands, he gathered some woods and sticks from their backyard and he assembled them together. He even etched his initials at the surface of the boat. He played with the toy boat at the river near their house. He followed it while it ran through the water's current. He showed it to his friends and proudly declared it was made by him.
One day while he was playing at the river, the toy boat was carried by the strong current. He ran after the toy boat...but it was too late. The toy boat was now nowhere to be found. He became so sad.
Sometime later, he went to the market. To his surprise, he saw his toy boat inside one of the stores. He asked the store owner to give him the toy boat since it was his. But the store owner refused. The boy had no choice but to buy the toy boat.
He went to different houses to work so that he can earn money. He babysit, he trimmed lawns, and did errands...until he has earned enough money to buy the toy boat.
He went to the store again and bought the toy boat. When he had taken hold of it, he hugged it tight and said, "I will never let you away from me again. I had you twice. First, I made you. Now, I bought you."

It is the same with God. He made us...we were lost....and He bought us with a price. That is how much He loves us. That is how much He loves you.

"We love because he first loved us. " +1 John 4:19+

memorabilias that do not last

I told myself I won't regret anything I have done before that would turn out to be a mistake, because I know someday, somehow I will learn from experience...and move on. But today, I regret something sooooo much I couldn't help but write. I hope this would ease the pain that cripples me.

If you are like me, a hopelessly romantic girl, dreaming of a forever fairytale-that-would-turn-to-reality story, and a hoarder that keeps even the smallest piece of scratch... you can relate with me.

There are three things I regret.

First, I once made a scrapbook of my highschool days, with a preview from my elementary graduation and farewell party. I put the original pictures on that scrapbook...with the most meticulous and creative designs I could make with my little teenage hands. There are pictures of my classmates when they were so cute, and pictures my teachers when they were younger. There were pictures of two of my former classmates that now live outside the country. During our elementary graduation, there was a picture of my old male classmate who looked at someone's medal, because he has none. He turned to be our highschool salutatorian, and my boyfriend. ;)

I was halfway finished with my scrapbook when I went to Mindanao to study college. I brought it with me so I can continue my little project. Yet, I got too busy with college...quizzes, exams, sleepless nights, and new friends, that I almost forgot my scrapbook. Until one boring, not-so-busy day, I remembered my scrapbook. I dug to my messed up old things and finally found it. I opened it. And...

I hated the coldness of MSU...because the coldness produced molds...on the pictures...on my scrapbook. Faces are now blurred. The damage was irreparable. Wasted memories. :(

Next thing I regreted was... I did something out of mere influence. I wanted to forget someone that time and all we had together...all he gave to me...all the letters, poems, and little gifts....everything we had. I heard someone burned everything from someone she wanted to forget. It was effective for her. So why not me?

One afternoon, I took the once-treasured letters and poems, gifts, pictures, etc., and put them on a box. Thanks to my friends, a teddy bear with the two necklaces was saved from the grilling day. Yet everything I could bear to burn, i burned.

Was it effective? Hell, no...because after 2 years, I am now in the arms of that person I promised I would forget after the burning session.

I thought the mistake of burning those things would be compensated with a "smart" idea I once had when I was 2nd year higschool. I was in love with someone...Yes, the same person I was talking about all this time. But I wasn't sure if it would be forever. My teenage mind told me maybe I could hide the things that would remind me of what we had...and someday get them when I am ready for the big decision.

So where did I hid the treasure? Soil. I even made a map of how I could get the treasure again...when I am ready. But if only this older Jenny could time travel and slap the younger Jenny for the foolishness she had done...I would. Digging the soil and hiding the treasure there is a nice idea. But not putting it on the soil beside the sewage of our house...and not by wrapping the treasure with plastic and scotch tape. Five years later, our house was renovated... And my treasure was found mushy black. Eww.

Someday... all things will perish. This is the only thing that comforts me after all these mistakes.